marry your whole table
I played The Scientist and told the crowd I was taking a short break. I hit the mute button on my badass little mixer and put my guitar down and went inside. I walked up to the bar and lit a cigarette.The bartender looked at me.
"Um, this is a nonsmoking bar..." he said.
I grabbed the cigarette and squeezed it out with my hand. "OOps!". I ran outside and smoked it.
I came back in, apologized for smoking in their bar, downed a shot of Jager about the size of a good cup of coffee, and went back to my spot.
I picked up the guitar again and ripped through a few crowd pleasers. I was finishing up Prince's Kiss when five or six hot girls walked in and sat down right in front. I smell bachelorette party!
Sure enough, the waiter appeared with their drinks, and they all had cock and balls straws in them. He had one of those sipper things shaped like a dong for the bride. It had a straw coming out the hole. They all giggled about it.
"Holy god." I said over the mic. "Look at that thing." The bride to be blushed and hid it under the table.
"Oh my, now she's got it in her lap, good lord!" I said. They roared with laughter. Every one of them was just as fine as could be.
"Well congratulations," I said to the bride, "it's not for me, but that groom of yours is a lucky guy." She smiled.
And then, I went too far.
"Hell I'd marry your whole table, you all look so good." They looked at one another.
"Okay then! How about some John Mayer?"
Someday I'll learn to shut up.
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