The happy pooch
My hot neighbor descended the stairs in her little prancing gait, as her enormous dog bounded ahead of her. Her dog loves me."Hey boy!" I shouted at him. He bounded over to me and almost knocked me over.
"He sure does love you!" she said. The dog had his front legs around my right leg.
"Um," I thought.
"Yeah if he hears you make any noise he whines his head off!" she continued.
He began humping my leg with the approximate force and determination of a jackhammer on meth. I stood there and watched him go to it. I tried dancing along with him to let him know I just wanted to be friends, but he humped away. His owner sipped her glass of wine.
I sort of wonder if all of the "lets get naked" vibes I have been mentally sending next door have somehow mistakenly ended up working on the dog instead of his hot owner. What a pisser that is.
I pushed her huge dog off my leg and went to go check my mail. "Ok fella, that's enough."
"He really does love you," she said.
"I'm just a piece of meat to him," I explained to her.
I wonder if I actually did talk her into getting naked if the dog would constantly be trying to do me when I was over there trying to do her. I'd have to chain his big horny ass to the water heater or something.
The irony of it all is too much to bear.
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