the barbarian
The barbarian rose from his squatting position, dropping a handfull of berries he had been munching on. He stood impossibly tall, sniffed the air, and began to stride through the forest toward the smell of smoke.Although he was incredibly large, the forest accepted him, and moved to accommodate him. The sun glinted off of his dingy and dented helmet as he crunched through the underbrush, slapping briars and vines aside with his great sword.
He emerged from the brush on a footpath. There was a woman approaching.
He jabbed his sword in the ground next to his feet, and straightened his enormous fur cloak, as the woman drew near him.
She stopped, quite afraid of him, but too curious to run away. She kept her distance and eyed him.
He was approaching seven feet tall, and as broad as any ox. Great furs hung off of him, with branches and twigs entwined in their hairs. His helmet sprouted two white horns that swooped away from his massive bearded head toward the sky.
He smiled at her, clasping his hands in front of himself.
"Huhh buff a duff fuff huff bruff!" he shouted at her, grinning widely.
The woman started walking again.
He watched her walk off, then yanked his sword out of the ground and headed the way she had come.
The smell of smoke got stronger in his nostrils as he strode. Shortly he came to a small village. A guard stood at the gate, picking his nose.
The guard noticed the barbarian, and quickly straightened up with a muttered "fucking hell!".
"Say there, barbarian!" the guard called. "What do you want?"
"FURF HUFF HUM MURRR HUMM FUFF!" the barbarian shouted politely.
"The hell are you on about?"
"HUFF MUFF"
"Fuck off, you great hairy AGH" the guard shouted, cut short by the barbarian lopping him entirely in half. The barbarian leaped over the crude gate and charged the houses, crashing inside and killing everyone he found there. A man ran at him with a pitchfork, and found himself impaled on the end of the barbarian's huge sword. The force of his charge carried him over the barbarian in a wide arc.
The barbarian looked at him as he swung him over, but he saw a very clean man in strange clothes, giggling to himself.
He tossed the man's body aside, and looked around.
Everyone was dead.
The barbarian had no capacity for speaking English, but if he did he would have said something like this:
"Shit".
He walked off.
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