whole-body chewing
Eureka!This morning I have finally made the breakthrough which will propel my scientific career into the stratosphere.
I have invented whole-body chewing.
I was eating my customary breakfast (a bread sandwich), when I began to move my entire body in time with my chewing motions. It is especially helpful to be in leopard-print boxers, an undershirt, and a pair of moccasin house shoes while performing this maneuver.
I discovered that there are several motions of chewing one can engage in, and each has its own whole-body counterpart.
There is a circular lower-jaw movement, which is best characterized by an elvis-like hip motion, the regular old up and down, which can be mirrored with crunch motions of the abdominals, and side-to-side chewing, which necessitates sort of a hula girl move.
I practiced my newest invention for about 15 minutes, all over my apartment, and discovered that location does not diminish the fun of whole-body chewing.
Actually, if you put a trenchcoat on and go out on the porch to perform whole-body chewing, the neighbors get to join in the fun.
I expect to win the Nobel prize soon.
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