comedy hour and the animal gun
I'm not a comedian, you know, but I have been a class clown all my life, so I know a little bit about what's funny. I bring this up because comedians annoy me so much. What annoys me even more is regular people who are recycling the same old jokes over and over again.I wish I were a mad scientist with a secret lair and a magical science lab. I would invent a gun that turned people into a giant random animal when I shot them with it. They'd have to stay that way for 24 hours. It would be painless, of course, but it would teach them a lesson!
Here's one I heard just the other day, and it nearly made my eyeballs shoot blood. We were out at a bar with a group of four or five people, and someone was being introduced to all of us at once.
"Everyone, this is Shelley"
"Hi Shelley, I'm Jim"
"Hi Jim!"
"This is Andrea..."
"Hi Andrea!"
"...and Bob"
"Hi Bob!"
"...and Gordon"
"Hi Gordon!"
"And that is Mary."
"Hi Mary! Boy, I sure do hope I'm not going to be quizzed on this later!"
"BANG!" goes the gun and HOLY DOG TITS, you're a fucking goldfish! QUIZ THAT! Christ, every time I hear someone say this I want to jab them in the throat with my thumb. Or the gills, I guess.
Then there's the old white guy at work who still thinks it's abnormal to see someone with a baseball cap on backwards. He sees the mail room guy walk by with his ballcap on and yells out to him, "Hey Mike! Yo! Yo, Mike! Hahahaha! Word, Mike!"
BANG you're a fucking giraffe, old white guy. Laugh about that while you're eating your houseplants. Have fun driving your Ford Taurus with your HOOVES, BUBBA.
I don't know. Sameness just annoys me.
<-- | Comments(9) | -->