Banjo
Winter is fucked.First of all, it's too fucking cold. Can we do something about that? Let's get some people on the horn about this whole cold thing, cause I don't dig it.
Secondly, you can't get fresh fruit for shit. Now, I'm a man who appreciates the value of fresh fruit, and in winter it's about as scarce as nice set of tits at a retirement home.
Lastly, and most annoyingly, the sun fucks off for the major part of the day and leaves you to go bumping into shit because you can't be bothered to purchase light bulbs. I like the sun to be out and lighting things up so I don't run into them. It's now almost seven AM and the sun hasn't come up yet. This is absurd. I can't imagine how people who live at the tops and bottoms of the planet can manage the long stretches of day or night.
If I had to live in the dark for six months out of the year I'd be constantly bumping into stuff, and constantly pissed drunk. When the sun comes up, I know it's time to stop being an idiot and walk around until I find my bed. I would have to wear a special hat with a timer on it and a sunlamp.
Ding! The light comes on.
"Sorry fellas, I gotta head home, the sun's coming up."
If any of you fine people live in these terrible areas, please let me know. I will fill a jar with mirrors in the sun and ship you some sunshine, even as little as I have to spare this time of year.
At least I have Christmas and New Year's to look forward to.
I can't wait for warm weather so i can be out in the streets again doing one of my favorite things, which is barking at dogs. I love that. They always look startled, the dogs.
Someday I will crack the Dog Code and I will teach them all to play banjo.
Banjo, I say!
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