lazy babies
Kids shows, in large part, are a mix between condescending boredom and just outright creepiness. I felt this way even when I was a kid.My mom instituted a policy when I was born of "no baby talk". She never talked baby talk to me and she didn't let anyone else do it either. I can't say for sure that this was a great help to me, but I have always been a good reader and so forth.
It makes sense to me. If someone is trying to learn to dance you don't just flop around haphazardly on the ground to show them how it's done. You dance and show them the steps. Similarly, going "ew goo boo! Doozoo boodoo!" to your kids is probably going to teach them to say exactly that.
I remember when I held my friend's newborn in my hands, just hours after it was born. There had been a lot of rushing about and dashing to the hospital and pushing and yelling and rolling of beds and whatnot, and when the baby finally got out, he was pretty nonplussed about it all.
"Goo?" he said.
"Is that all you have to say for yourself?" I asked him. I thought that was pretty funny, but as is often the case, I was the only one.
Carrying this idea of no baby talk further, I submit my brand new theory of child rearing. No baby talk, no baby clothes, no baby toys, nothing. They pop straight out of mom and go to work for IBM, with little white shirts and navy blue ties on.
It's about damn time we got some work out of those floppy motherfuckers anyhow. They are all lolling about and learning how to blink and shit, while we have to work and pay rent and eat peanut butter, not to mention blink and shit as well.
Fucking lazy babies.
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