another brilliant conversation
I stopped staring at my cigarette lighter and flicking it over and over and tried to focus on what my phone was saying to me."That is disgusting." it said.
My phone was telling me what my friend had said into her phone. It knew because invisible electrical signals had shot across copper wires at her house to a great big steel penis of an antenna here near my house, and had subsequently been farted out into the air by said penis.
My phone was smart enough to hear the farts, and translate them into a crackly representation of my friend's voice, and all that technology helped her relate to me that what I had just said was disgusting.
She was referring to the website I had mentioned to her which is for people who wish to have sex while dressed up as big furry animals.
"No, no, think about it." I told her. "Think of how soft it would be laying on top of someone all dressed in fur. Plus you have the big laughing head to keep you feeling happy."
"Um." she said.
"I also like how the people's pink parts stick out of the suits. It's hilarious."
"Where do you come up with this shit?"
"Dan Savage"
"Huh?"
"Anyway I want to get one of those suits, man. I want a bear one, and I'm going to wear it to the park with my dong hanging out and chase the people jogging there in the mornings."
"Sounds good," she said.
"Well, it's all about fitness really. By the way, you left some coffee here."
"I left it for you, dumbass" she reminded me.
She should know I don't go into the kitchen, but I decided to keep that to myself. The kitchen exists only to provide me with an out of the way place to store my big ass overflowing trashcan, also known as the home for empty beer bottles. It used to also provide me with a giant fucking cigarette lighter that some people call a stove, but since they cut my gas off it hasn't worked for shit.
Fucking gas company bastards. I'll make them pay with my cold shower campaign. You wait and see!
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