my lawyer's pussy finger
My phone crackled at my face."You're breaking up," my phone accused me, distorting my lawyer's voice.
"So tell me why you have to go to court?" He asked when the crackling subsided.
"Murder" I told him.
"Guh?" he asked, "I don't do murder."
"Oh, yeah. Well it's no proof of insurance anyway, I was just yanking your chain."
"Oh okay. Hold on, I have another call". He clicked off, then back on a few seconds later.
"That was the state, I've been disbarred." he said.
"Pisser."
"Yeah, no shit! Anyway, when is your court date?"
I told him.
"Okay I'll be there. I have a big red beard. You can't miss me."
I figured I didn't need directions to the courthouse, I'd just go down town and ass around until I found it. I got myself pretty lost and had to call my dad's boyfriend to bail me out. I finally found the courthouse, parked my Volvo, and went in to wait for my time.
I dozed off waiting, and then went into the courtroom.
After a few minutes, a guy in a suit with an enormous red beard came in. Everyone else was sitting around in the pews waiting for the judge. My lawyer squeezed past the other people and sat down next to me.
"You weren't kidding about the beard, were you?" I whispered to him.
"SNERK" he snorted loudly. This set me to laughing hysterically and trying to keep quiet. We tried to stop ourselves from laughing, but instead did our impersonation of a very localized earthquake.
The bailiff glared at us.
"Okay," my lawyer said "I'm going up front so we can go first, just let me do the talking".
"Roger."
He fucked off to the front of the court and swirled some pens and paper around with the clerk. He sat down.
The judge walked in and sat down.
"HODGSON" she boomed. I got up and walked up to the podium.
"Your honor, my client..." I tuned it out. The judge nodded, then said something I understood.
"Okay, these charges are dropped."
"Sweet!" I said, and my lawyer and I walked out.
As we were leaving I noticed my lawyer had some sort of wound on one of his fingers. I asked him what happened.
He swept his hand at a motorcycle parked nearby. "Oh, this woman jumped out in front of me in her car and the end of my finger got pinched really bad. I have to go to court next week."
"Ah fuck man, that sucks."
"Yeah!" he said, holding his hand up. "She almost cut off my pussy finger!"
I laughed.
"You are my kind of lawyer." I told him.
We shook hands and I went to go find my volvo.
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