drunk and stupid
My friend and coworker Tom Vines came over right after work. I was outside smoking a cigarette and waiting for him to show up. He turned his big round car into the parking lot and immediately double parked."AM I GOOD HERE?" he shouted up.
"No, fucklord, do better than that" I called down. He swung around in the lot and got his car parked. I locked the door and we started walking. The bar was only about two blocks away.
We got there and found our friends. I got myself the white russian I had been craving all day.
"Girls drink, man" Tom chirped.
"Fuck off" I suggested.
We drank our drinks and looked at the girls and laughed. We were there with some other friends. It was Nick's birthday. After a couple of rounds Tom wanted to switch to beer. I ordered us a pitcher of Bass.
Somehow after about the first glass or two of that pitcher of bass, the evening exploded. All of a sudden there were people all around me, crowding into the booth, and I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
I was sitting at the joint of two tables in a booth area, so I just pushed them apart and walked through when I had to piss. I found Tom at the bathroom in line.
I grabbed him about the shoulders as a nice looking girl came out of the mens bathroom. Her skin was like bronzed chocolate, but her eyes were somewhat slanted. She was gorgeous and laughing.
She pretended to stuff an invisible penis back in her pants. "Sorry fellas, let me just put that away!"
"I can still see the end of it!" I slurred.
Then another girl in line went into the bathroom. I told Tom he should have kicked her ass out of the way and gone in instead. He said, "Nah man, I can't kick a lady out of the crapper"
I laughed, and she came out. She was smiling sweetly at Tom. "Thanks for calling me a lady," she said, putting her hand on his arm. She seemed near tears.
When we wobbled our way back to my place, Tom knocked a painting of mine over and put a hole in it. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry, so I just laid down on the floor to think about it.
I eventually went to bed, after saying goodbye to Tom and the customary glass of water. I giggled to myself, all alone in my aging apartment, until I drifted off.
Drunks. What a bunch of mad, beautiful buffoons.
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