my cellphone is of the devil
My cellphone is in league with the devil, I am absolutely convinced of it.The first thing to go on it was the speaker. That's right, the speaker. The part of the phone that allows you to hear the person you are calling. So, unless you want to call people, hope they pick up, and bark orders into the phone (which admittedly is sort of fun), you need a speaker.
Luckily I was at my friend Chuck Frankenhorp's house, and he has all sorts of tools and shit that I don't have. I took the phone apart.
"You're going to break that thing," Chuck said.
"Fuck you, I am not" I assured him.
Well, I broke it. However, in my defense, I did manage to fix both the problem I had originally intended to fix, and the one I introduced in the persuit of the former.
So, things were fine with my phone for awhile. Then the screen got really pissy and started going dead. This would only happen when I really needed to look up someone's number. I once got so frustrated with it when I was out somewhere that I delivered a punch to the face of the phone.
This did not improve its performance, but did cause an old man to raise his eyebrow at me.
"Phone trouble" I told him.
He seemed to be struggling to give a shit, but eventually tottered off.
So now.. Now... NOW the MICROPHONE of the fucking phone is dead. If I pinch the sides of it just right it will come on, but that usually only happens after an hour or so of shouting "HELLO?! HELLO??" at it and squeezing the shit out of its little plastic case.
My new phone should be here today, and if it gets here I am going to eat my current one. If I smash it into small enough bits I should be able to entirely consume it over a several-month period.
That'll show it.
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