work haikus
My most recent employer was a corporation who specialized in network integration. What this basically means is that if you wanted a network that was bigger than you knew how to put together (which is any network for most people), then you would get someone like this company to do it for you.One of the things which really made this job a massive pain in the ass was the monday morning meeting. Every monday morning we would all gather at 8:30 in the conference room to waste half a day pretending to communicate. The largest part of these meetings would consist of two or three people talking something over in front of 8 or 9 other people who were not even remotely involved, let alone intrigued.
To me it always smacked of an opportunity for us to present our justification for being employed. The big boss of the company, who I will call Stinkyteats McElroy, was right out of the pages of Dilbert.
His hair was even pointy.
Stinkyteats would occasionally insist that the meetings were supposed to start at 8:00, even though everyone always got there at 8:30. I have no idea why he did this.
At any rate, this afforded me many opportunities to goof off without looking like I was goofing off. Once I thought about getting everyone who had to attend high as balls about 15 minutes before, and then all of us giggling like fools during the whole sham. I giggled aloud at this.
"Hodgson! What's so funny?", Stinkyteats demanded of me.
"I can't tell you, I'm sorry." I told him.
This did not sit well with the big boss, I could tell.
About this time in my life I had seen Fight Club for the first time, and it contained an amusing tidbit about the main character writing haikus, so I began to write little haikus during the meetings. I will now go over some of the highlights with you.
(the) corporation
integrating networks, man
we fix your data
Integrating networks, man. Could there be a better tagline for an advertising campaign? Remember these people laid me off. What were they thinking?
extend the dmarc
install your smartjack box
packets travel fast
A DMARC is the line of demarcation, after which point in the physical telephone line any problems with it become the user's responsibility. A smartjack box is a doohickey that goes on the ends of some types of digital trunks, like a T1. Horribly boring stuff.
loopback is working
but no tcp/ip
maybe a bad wire
A thought has just struck me. No one is going to ever, ever think this is funny.
And yet, I must forge ahead.
BGP Routing
better than OSPF
much better than RIP
A haiku about routing protocols. This is the seventh level of dorkdom, people.
And finally...
I have a new car
but no blacked-out taillights yet
oh god, my knee hurts.
One of the girls I worked with bought a new Maxima, but didn't get her taillights blacked out yet. She wanted them to have some sort of cover on them or something. Also, she had hurt her knee.
I am sure you can see how boring a meeting had to be that these were entertaining. When they finally laid me off, I could have just kissed them.
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