shop vac love
My friend Mary and her husband live together in a house with Mary's younger brother. They take care of him and get him back and forth to school because his parents aren't much good at it. He's probably 15 or so.Well, he's at that age when young men hate school, start to like girls, and masturbate furiously at every possible opportunity. I understand that the furious masturbation is something you eventually grow out of, but it's been over ten years since I was fifteen and I still haven't.
Anyway, Mary and her husband are good people, but the kid jerks it so much that they catch him at it all the time. Sooner or later that's got to become annoying. The first time you catch someone spanking it, I would imagine, you're too embarrassed to do anything but run away. The third or fourth time, you start to wonder why they can't do it in their room where they belong.
This is the situation that Mary and her husband found themselves in. The kid was waging a guerilla war of masturbation. He would beat it in the living room when no one was around, but not finish in time to escape being caught by family members coming home. When he got caught he'd try to cover up and run away, but it was obvious what he was up to.
Another problem was that pretty much anything in the house that vaguely resembled a lubricant would disappear. Shampoo, gone. Hand lotion? Forget it. It became an annoyance to not be able to keep a bottle of hand soap next to the sink because it was appropriated for nefarious masturbatory purposes.
To combat this, Mary's husband bought a tube of Gold Bond and left it out where it would surely be found. Gold Bond is a substance designed to alleviate itching by cooling the skin area with mentholatum. It is not designed to be a masturbatory lubricant.
Mary's husband says that he came home one day and the tube was gone, so he knew the deal was going to go down. Later that night, shrieking was heard, as well as the sound of frantic feet running to the bathroom.
Of course, this is really all normal behavior for a young man. We've all made nefarious use of the shampoo in our younger days, I believe, just as we have all put on girl's underwear. Well, I have, anyway. I looked damn good too.
Anyway, the kid is maybe a little obsessed with milking the meat twinkie, but the real problem is that Mary's husband caught him one day in the garage with the shop vac. This, I think, is extreme. I can understand wanting to pull on it a good bit, but a shop vac? I draw the line at sex with anything that can be purchased from Home Depot, favorite store of mine though it is.
Anyway they eventually bribed the kid to keep his masturbating to his room in exchange for some nudey mags that Mary's husband had. The shop vac incident is largely forgotten, I hear.
They bought a little dress for it on valentine's day and left it in his room, but other than that it's a thing of the past.
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