Pickup Lines
I just spent roughly 45 minutes in the shower. What does that make me?Well, wet, for starters, and clean perhaps as well, but much more than that this time. Why? Because in that short span of time I have begun the greatest book of pickup lines ever written. When people who read this book try out some of my methods on the ladies they are going to swoon like nobody's business.
I, of course, will become rich, and use the money to start a secret society of alpaca farmers who will one day overthrow the cable company's oppressive regime, but that's another fucking shower entirely. Settle down!
Let me give you a taste of what I'm concocting. Here's pickup line number one.
Imagine it.
You are sidling up to some fine, fine woman in a bar. She's looking at you, you're looking at you in the mirror behind the bar, and you're stepping on her foot. She also has a boyfriend, but it doesn't fucking matter because the pickup line is that good. You adjust the cuffs of your electric blue shirt, look her right in the eye and say...
Hey, stupid.
CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT? IN the SHOWER i thought of that. Great projectile-shitting manatees, people that's a GEM.
I tried it out on a few random internet girls, but they didn't have anything funny to reply about it, so I guess they were actually 60 year old men posing as girls. I know that's what you really are, internet girls!
Not that, you know, I don't want to meet you at the Steak and Shake later just because you're a 60 year old man.
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