the land of love and pies
I want there to be a place that I can go to, like a whorehouse, but instead of fucking you just get love and attention.You go in, and lots of women go "Hi! We're so glad you're here!", and then they bring you pies and ask you all about what you are doing. They giggle and laugh at your jokes and bring you coffee and rum and cokes and cigars, and then they wash your hair and rub you on the back while you sleep in a big soft bed.
Then you wake up and they tell you all about this big scary monster outside of town who is eating all the villagers and there's no one to kill it but you! They are very scared! You must help them!
So they take you into this dark room and give you a bat and you can hear the monster going "RAAAR VILLAGERS HOMPH OMF UMF SO GOOD" and making smacking sounds. You are scared, but you don't let on to the girls, you know.
So you sneak around in the dark and find this guy in a padded monster suit roaring and trying to eat one of the girls, and you pound the dogshit out of him with the bat until he falls over screaming "OH HOLY FUCKING PISS NUTS THAT HURTS!", and you tell him to shut his monster face or he'll get more of the same.
All the women cheer! They are very happy and relieved! You are a hero! Also they are somewhat disgusted by the piss nuts bit, but they love you anyway and bring you pies.
Hooray!
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