the pinch and slap conundrum
I was partying with friends at a restaurant called the Vortex here in town after hanging out at a friend's yard sale and slurping rum runners.I had found a straw hat and a long skirt that fit me there at the yard sale, so I was wearing both in the restaurant.
There were girls in corsets walking around giving people body shots, and girls dancing in cages. It was their anniversary party.
A nice girl I was with bought me a body shot. This cute girl in patent leather straddled my skirted legs and pointed for me to lick her breast. I did, and she poured salt on it, then put a lime in her mouth.
Now that's how you do tequila, people.
I licked, she poured, then I munched my lime.
After all of the friends who were coming got there, we had a few beers, and then headed for the door. On my way out a girl grabbed my skirt. I turned around.
"You are so fucking hot. I just want to pinch your ass!" she shouted over the music.
I bent over so she could pinch my ass, but she slapped it instead.
I turned around to complain about the pinch/slap discrepancy, but she pointed at the door and shouted "Now get the fuck out!".
I trotted out the door in my skirt and straw hat.
When you're a tequila-addled dude in a straw hat and a long skirt, and a woman slaps your ass and tells you to get the fuck out, you just follow directions, because no one's going to take your dissenting opinion seriously.
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